My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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