Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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