Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
