I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
