spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Will exercising make me less horny?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
