would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize