smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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