see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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