dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
