why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
