normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
