On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
