He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
