Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
