OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
