Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
