I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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