Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
