My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
