I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
