I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
