the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
