Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
