What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
