why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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