The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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