nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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