I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
