I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
