My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
