I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
