girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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