WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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