cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
