Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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