Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
