So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize