I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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