ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
