whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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