dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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