i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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