They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
