Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
