turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
