Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
