one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
