The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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