I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
