A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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