She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize