this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
