I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
