oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
