So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
