need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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