i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
