does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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