What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
