you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
