well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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