I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
