I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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