I hate your face
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
