Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
