Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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