Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize