we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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