Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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