That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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